sigh.. Im so not in the good mood right now. And today my parents started the whole issue abt church. I mean what's wrong going to church..??!! I love church so much but yet so many things have been happening to me. Im trying to be happy, trying not to bring my problems to school. Of cuz, Im not trying to be 2 people at the same time. But I juz didnt want to be literally depressed in school and Im really scare to vend all my anger in school, teachers or even my schoolmates. I really dont wanna see that come to past. Im just very very tired. And God called me to rest but I just dont know how to. Alot of times, I been alone and also of cuz talking to God. Love Him so much.. And now my parents want me to forget abt Christ in my life. Which is I cant do it and I will never do that. And I tell them abt it and they said,"We give you another chance till you're 21, if you still think that you want to believe in Christ then go ahead and never come home, and dont ever acknowledge us when you see us." And they said they dont mind losing a daughter. And I started to cry, and asked God, "Why am I having this issue again and again?" Coz I really want to take a rest first before I can fight cos I dont know how to fight when I dont have energy. I dont know how to express my emotion. I dont know what wrong with me. I feel so lousy at times, though I know I shouldnt say that. And once again, I lose my confident toward my studies. Sigh. But what I only know is I love God soooo muchhhh that I wont want to let loose of His hand. Coz Im really scare to be lost again, or even maybe I should say Im scare to fall down and wont be able to find a pair of hands to pull me up again. Once again Im so vexed and I dont want to talk to anyone for time being(as in I dont want to talk abt it by using my mouth). Please dont ask me abt my problem personally for until you think Im slightly feeling better. But most people, dont know how to tell because I might be trying to "act" to be crazy or happy in school, just that Im trying to use my own strength to forget my problems. But I think mostly I will only want to share it here. That kind of "slient feeling" and "slient expression". You get me?? Thks for those who been here for me. I know you care etc.. But let me be alone for awhile. .. Keep me in prayer, if you really care for me.