Woohoo! The Big Groove was very successful!! It was so so so so good! PERFECT is the word to use. Well. Tiredness is finally over!! Im not in the mood to post my blog right now cos Im having very bad migraine. So I will be back with my post soon!! Hopefully!

AND YES!!!!!!!!! Alistair is BACK!!!!!! Too bad he is not staying for good cos he still have to attend school. Oh well. I have lots of things running thru my mind... And I cant stop thinking of it right now. Nevermind. Probably Im too tired right now. I havent gotten enough rest for my brain. Anyway I have something to say.... And that is...... Arghhh.. Nevermind. I just felt so difficult to say it "publicly"!

For fun!!

For those who dont believe Megan Fox was a man... Here is the video!! CHEERS!!

Walk Away (Maybe) by Good Charlotte
This is what I'm kinda feeling.

I made this bed
I choose to lie in it
And live with my regrets
And sleep with what I said
Could this be the end
Am I standing on the edge
Of everything I wanted now

But i was afraid
I was afraid

Well maybe I'm just scared
To face the things I feel
It's easier to walk away from everything

Separate my soul
With all the things we shared
I'm falling to pieces now
Say a prayer for me (say a prayer for me)
When you go to bed ('cause)
I'm in need of your faith now

I was afraid

Well maybe I'm just scared
To face the things I feel
It's easier to walk away from everything
If we could just reset
And live in happiness
Instead of our regrets
We'd salvage everything
We don't have to walk away

Pray for me now
I'm in need of faith
Pray for me now
I'm in need

And maybe I'm just scared
To face the things I feel
It's easier to walk away from everything
If we could just reset
And live in happiness
Instead of our regrets
We'd salvage everything

And maybe I'm just scared
To face the things I feel
It's easier to walk away from everything
Walk away from everything
Walk away from everything

Monday is my off day. I was about to go out for a jog but ended up decided to change my mind and so I went out around my neighbourhood to have a stroll. I felt so much better. I didnt bring along my cellphone and I can really say that was the best part of my life. Without any interruption or any shit.. Thinking about life, my future, my family, my career etc.. Well. Taking a stroll around my neighbourhood was sweet but I couldnt find peace to my heart. Im feeling so bothered in life right now; is just not another ordinary "emo" thingy that youngster thinking about. Im just feeling so stucked about where do I want to go. I know what I want for my future and everything... But... Well... Probably I just wanna run away from my family. Im so sick with them. Yeah. They probably gave me freedom but they never give me peace.

I want to go to UK if I have that chance. I want a studio apartment of my own. I want to further my studies in UK. I want to expand my business all over the world. Once I leave Singapore, I would love not to come back even if I do, most probably for a short holidays to meet up some friends & cousins. I want to have a dog or cat & fishes for companion. Everything of that will be enough for me. Oh well.. There is one place in Singapore that can bring me peace and that is Alistair Chia's home. I love his house to the core. It just give you this peaceful feeling; it will calm your mood down, helping you to go into deep thoughts about life which will make you feel so secure about everything and many more. I just cant put everything into words right now. And definitely, you will feel so good when you walk out of his house, it just bring you full of joy & sunshine. On top of that, Shawn Shawn (AL's little brother) will be around to add some colour to your mood too. I love his brother so so so much. =)

Well. I think AL is moving out of Loyang Rise soon to some kuku place lah. Kidding. I bet Im gonna miss that place though it was damn far away from my place. I been to quite a few big houses but AL's place is the best of the best. When I have a chance to stay at his place.... WOAH!!!!! I tell you... Anything to do with my insomnia, it will vanish into thin air with a blink of an eye!!!!!!!! Lol. I can sleep day and night at his place without feeling being disturbed. So SHIOK!! Sigh! I want to watch F1!!!!!! We have work coming up in about 10 days time!!!! HOORAY!!

I wish that one day I can live without having a phone. It's annoying. Extremely.

HAHHAHA! Oh wells... KITTENS!

不是金钱把我给逼疯, 而是你把我给逼疯的.

不要怪我, 也不要怪自己.

未来, 我会拿成功的成绩给你看.

谢谢您老人家看不起我.

Ok. My chinese isn't very good. Hopefully I didn't type wrongly.

English Translation:
It wasn't money that drove me crazy, it was you who drove me insane.
Let's not blame one another.
I will show you my result of success.
Thank you for looking down on me.

Last night, Cheryl and her friends picked me up at my place and we all went for lorry-riding. Lol. Fainted. 8 people sitting at the back was a chaos!! I think the driver drove at the speed of 120km/hr. Lol. Falling all over the place!!!!! I got back home at 5.15am. I felt so much better after the high speeding. CRAZY!

I cant stand you anymore, any longer.
I'm holding onto it cos..
I want you to see me getting successful in five- six years time.
I have no money, that why I live with you.
If I have a chance and have that money,
I will move out of your house.
So that you could live in peace.

Why do you have to criticise me & my dreams?
Am I not your daughter?
Am I not allowed to dream?
And dream big?
Am I committing a crime?
All these years, I've been putting things up with you is cos I love you.
But the truth is that the evil side of my heart kept telling me not to acknowledge you once my dreams come true.
I don't have to end this perfect fight because
I will and want to continue urging with you,
Till you're tired & admit that you have lost.
I won't be losing cos I'm not a loser.
Whoever stop me from dreaming..
I only have one sentence to say to you,
"If you don't have dream to live, doesn't mean someone have to tag along with you."


Mum, Mum, My Mum, look at yourself. You always tell me, "Living a simple life are having... 3 meals on the table, a shelter, a happy family etc.." Ehh.. Excuse me. Doesn't rich people have that too? Have we really been living in that simple life that you were saying? 3 meals? Uhhh-huh...? Shelter? Ohhh yeahhhh...? Happy family? *A-hem* I begged your pardon.

I want to have a luxury life is because I don't want to live a day of having problem of, "Oh my. I ran out of money, what can my next meal be?" Doesn't it sound familiar to you? Ahhh.. I know who is the person and definitely I'm living with her. Oops. Was that you? Did I just exposed you? I'm so sorry about that, is my bad. Look at you, Mum. Why are you contradicting? When I was young, you're the one who tell me to earn tons of money in the future. So that I won't be living a life that you having now but what are you trying to do now? Putting me & my dream down? To me, is a big offence that you can ever do in my life. Thank you, Mum. That's very very very sweet of you. Do you need a clap? Or a kiss? A hug? Hmm... I wish.. I wish... I have tons of money right now.. And I will change all to a dollar coin and throw it one by one in your face. I'm so sorry for being so rude, ill-mannered, spoilt brat, or whatever names you can come out with.. I am who I am. You can't accept me? Then blame it on yourself. You implanted a voice in my mind that I can't remove but now you're trying to remove it? It's all too late.. Too late for any changes.

You can't fulfil your dreams, it doesn't mean I have to follow your ways and your doings. Don't be selfish. I know you can't take it, if I become successful one day. I bet you know why too. It's because you're worried of being insecure if loved ones are better than you. Is okay if someone better you. You should be proud of them. There is something & someone to show off. Just like.. MJ's parents!! Oh well... Even if I fail in my business, I still have to stand up on my feet again to clean up my mess. What's the problem? This is my job, my responsibility.

A Day of Releasing Words in my Head

I wish that everything is alright here.
I wish I could lead a perfect life.
I wish the best for myself.
I wish I could express myself better.
I wish I could at least earn half a million at the age of 25.
I wish for the success and not the failure.
I cant bear to lose for now.

I no longer wanting to have the best out of all my friends (unless my closer friends).
I cannot trust a new friend for anything.
I cannot believe that you have did to me.
I wont be a believer anymore.
I wont be your trustee anymore.
So zip your mouth and keep it for yourself.

Seeing my family everyday..
It can be quite a nightmare for me.
These horror images are haunting me.
Demanding everything that they own which include their children,
Can bring their children to one conclusion.
And that is bad memories.
Bad memories wont be easily remove.
A child's heart will start to lose faith & hope for their family.
Family play a big part for every child in their memories.

Do you know?
A child will never likely to rebel if the dad is always around.
A child will be a "perfect child" if his/her dad is always there for them.
If a Dad is gone that equal to Child will be a goner.
I missed those days when my dad would come down to my level to talk to me.
Happy Father's Day to you and I gave you a hug for this year. -This is what I could afford.

Yamaha Keyboard Synthesizer W7

I have a brief summary of the Synthesizer W7 that a friend of mine that wanted to sell.

Selling Price is fixed at $500.00 (cash). This includes the Synthesizer, 2 speakers and 1 Sustainer.

Reason for selling: Moving house.
Pickup location: We will talk about it.

If you're interested, I will send you a pdf brief summary of W7 or you can call me at 90898926.

Thank you.

My Art Class.... This week!!!!!! Is to DRAW ME!! Of cos, others too lah. But drawing me... and who can draw the best will be rewarded with 10 bucks!!!! So the winner goes to......CAI BAO!! Lol. Nabei loh. When people hear 10 bucks, suddenly everyone pick up their pencil and start drawing. Sigh. I hate people like that!!!!!! No backbone!!!

Watch this cool 8 yrs old girl played piano on Ellen's show.

Actually I enjoyed watching Ellen's face expression all the time. It's really priceless.

One more cute little girl. So cute & funny.

Woke up many times today. I couldnt rest well; I just had a lot of things running through my mind. A day of lousiness. I didnt know what to do. So I had porridge for lunch and rest awhile and went on to Toa Payoh Stadium to jog. I didn't jog much. I jogged 4 rounds and it took me 12 mins 10 secs. Aiyo. 1 round = 3 mins 2.5 secs. I remembered when I was pri 6, it took me 8 mins 32 secs to finish 4 rounds. Damn lousy now loh. -.-" Dulan lah! After that, I felt even more lousy. Dots. Supposedly to feel better after exercise but I made it worse. Sigh. I went home and took my bathe. I dried my hair and start staring at my ceiling, questioning myself about my life. I let things run through my mind, put on some songs and blast my ears. Do some work on my bed and hug my bloster all day long and smell it. Toss and turn on my bed. Turn on the televison and watch Ellen Degeneres Show.

And now Im here, blogging. Try to understand me. Life is not easy, not as simple as ABC. I been thru what I need to and now Im here cos of the choice that I made. I just wanna say something... I love my 2 cousins- Norman & Celeste. I hope their lives can be easy too. I may not understand them completely but there are something that I wish I could do for them. Im glad that Im still breathing, Im glad that I still get to see them to grow up and that is the coolest part of my life. They have their friends to be with. They have their own parents to deal with. I just want them to know that I love them very much. =) Joann jie-jie love Norman & Celeste cousin very much. =)

Right now my mind is loaded by losing faith, hope and love. Losing faith in my work, losing hope for family and losing love for everyone. Yeah. Probably a season of me on my weakness. I hope that things will soon be over. I need to go somewhere where I can shout out loud!!! I need a place that is peaceful to stay on!! I need a warm & sweet coffee to chill me down!! I need these and that!! A lot of things in my mind. Im running away from myself. Im too tired to deal with myself.

I feel like drowning myself with alcohol. Maybe just wanna run away from my problem about my family. I just dont understand why my mum have to rattle about money all the time. What's wrong with the world today? Why does humans start a family when they know they won't be financially doing well. Making yourself suffer, making your life difficult to move that is so DUMB! If I wont earn a million bucks, I wont want to get married & start a family!! No more suffering.

3 June 09

I had a bad quarrel with my mum about money. Money money and money. I dont know what's wrong with her, always self-pitying about no money. So I scolded her loh. Oops. Ya. Then quarreled like a dog la. Nabei! Dont talk abt it.

That late night, I was still on skype, chatting with Alistair online about our business. I was very happy but I was still badly affected by the quarrel with my mum. So well.. I remembered I had a pack of cigarettes in bag. So I took out and went out of my house corridor to "de-stress". About for an hour, on my 4 sticks and my dad suddenly came out of the house and I was like..... "Yes, daddy? (Puffing away)" Oops. I have to pretend mah. Nabei (to myself). He told me to put out my cigs. So I did and I went back to my room and hang up the conversation with Alis.

So I went onto bed.............................. Woke up in the morning.

I received a message from my dad.

"This is morning, my heart is very painful. At about 2am, I went for a run to ease my pain. The moment when I saw you smoking, I am asking myself, should I call mummy or give you a tight slap on your face. I quit smoking is not that I dont have enough money to do so. I have 2 visions; 1) I dont want my children or my future generation to follow my stupid way. 2) I want my family to be happy especially mummy and you who advised me to quit. This morning, I did not kiss you cos I still feel the pain in me. I hope, darling, you can stop this bad habit which was with me for 36 years."

This is what I replied:

"Dad, not that I want to be rude or what, just have to listen what I have to say. So can I say this? Now you know how I feel all these time when I grow up seeing you smoke? Doesnt it hurt me? Dad, I have grown up. Yes, I may not be fully supporting myself but eventually I will and need to one day. Anyway mum know that I smoke but at least Im not having this bad habit as a everyday lifestyle. That was a leftover pack with friends that I went party with. I dont buy a pack for myself and I can seriously say that Im a social smoker. Whether am I social smoker a not, just put it aside. One thing I dont understand is that- Why parents can hurt their child so much but yet their child cant hurt them a little. I think parents should taste a bit of the pains of what your child must have really felt all these times of their lives. I know you're good to me but you and I are humans and we're bound to hurt one another. But what can I say? Everyone out there could only think for themselves. Just like how you used to. Just to let you know, you have emotions and so do I. So think about it again. Maybe what you saw last night was a "revenge". And dont you find it strange? Why your child dont like to have hugs and kisses by their parents? Tell you the truth- Not that I dont like. I find it very fake and pointless to do it. I have no idea why I think that way. One thing I do know is that, I stopped doing all these is cos I cant help myself stop thinking about how much both of my parents have hurt me all my life and I dont want to get physically touch with them. I find it disgusting to do so. I used to think hugs and kisses are sweet but not anymore."

Well. Yes, Jo smoke a lot when she party or meeting up with some of her close friends who smokes too. Sigh. I dont know what went wrong with me. I just need a "NICOTINE BREAK" to break out of everything! Im questioning myself about how much do I really love my family right now. Im losing control of everything to deal with my family. For now, I want to lose them for sure -Not completely but more than what I need them to give me a break. DAMN YOU GUYS! Dont screw up my life if you dont want to support me and all these because I have seen how much you guys screwed up your life. I wont want my path to be like how you have walked. I dont wish to see the history to repeat itself cos you have walked half of your life like what your parents did. No more history repeaters in this family.

And....... Yes.. Once more I said I failed my FTT. NABEI!!! Dulan already lah. Sigh. Nevermind. This monday AGAIN!! Yes. After FTT, I went down to church. After service, I went on to cineleisure to have dinner with my pastor. =) Im happy that we catch up with one another. I just wanna say Im feeling good. That's all. And Im missing Cheryl.. Badly missing her. =( 

These few days have been a tiring moment. Facing my dad for something that I can't take it anymore. My life have always been on a roller coaster ride. Well. I have no idea on how am I feeling. Im just feeling exhausted at times. But well... Im glad that my exhaustion is not causing me on giving up my life or anything. I feel like taking a break and well.. Again I have no idea on how should I move on from here. Im feeling so stuck without my passport.

I seriously love my parents but at the same time, my heart has grown cold for them. I cant melt this ice in my heart. I come to a stage that Im so afraid to be a parent myself. Seeing how am I brought up is so scary. Im always living in poverty (Let's not compared with those african or china kids lah), quarrels, fights, abusive moments, etc.. I may not come from the worst family but... Well... Sigh. Im maybe weak or what so ever. Different families have different situation and level of problems. Is ok. I do really feel like leaving my parents for awhile. Probably just wanting to be alone without family members. 

______________________________________________________

And yes, Im very happy on 3 June 09!!!!! Im feeling very excited!! Alistair and I started our business; an advertisement business which both of us shared the same dream. The coolest part is that we have a project due in September. He is also coming back at the end of the month! I shall not say any further but Im bloody happy and now what I know from him is that... Whenever he is pissed, bad mood, mood swings etc.. His words cannot be truly take in cos he admitted that, that is the only moment when he could vexed out all his anger. NABEI!! At me uh? And Im always the one who clean your dirt for you lah! YOU HAPPY NOW UH?! Ok. So all those words that come out from his mouth about him- Dont want to come back Singapore... Dont want these and that.. Blah blah blah. ARE ACTUALLY ALL FAKE!! Ok. Ehh. Excuse me, sir. Would you like to go for some counseling? Hahaha. Is ok. Now I understand and I forgive you, Mr Chia Wei Hao Alistair. Love ya. =)

Let's move on with our plans. Im looking forward for you to come back. =) Cheers!

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