Whee. Went to church today for Discipleship sunday. Haha.. So fun and realised that I really feel better compared to last week. Coz I was kinda depressed last few weeks etc. God is healing me and I know. Haha. Though it might not be a total heal up thingy but it ok. I still wanna put my trust in God with all my heart no matter what. Coz I juz simply love Him soooo much. Dont know how to explain to you guyz too. Ha. Oh man. My dad is coming back soon on 3th March 06. Because he went Taiwan for the 16days outfield army training. Is like Im more freed up now and hopefully I can do the things that I have planned and to be done on sunday. Very angry at some of the stuffs but.... Sigh. No time liao.. Aiya. Let drop the topic. lolx. And today, I also brought my skateboard to church. Haha. Suppose to teach Ting Ting how to skate. But she cant. lolx. Nevermind. Now Im trying very hard to practise my stunts. But some how I still dont really have the courage to do too wild stuffs. Coz I have fears in my mind. Partly was thinking for my family, because I also dont want to break my bones coz of skateboarding and worse thing is later still need to go hospital etc. And I juz totally dont want to waste money. To me, Im fine about falling down etc and that's the process of doing successful stunts. Ha. But is juz all because of my family that I dont want them to worry for me. Sigh. What to do??!! Arghh.. Sometime I juz tell God that I dont want to break any of my bones when Im skateboarding. Oh ya. Anyway I did something to my board. I went to pray something on it. Haha. I really like the Air Jesus thingy. Lolx. Juz now I went to tell my mum that my toe have been giving me a hard time seen last year and she said I wanna bring me go X-ray. (-_-") So serious?? Haha.. But it tell me that she really care much now compared to last time. Hee.

Haha. Photoshop is fun. Im a new beginner. Haha. Starting exploring myself that programme etc.. And this is what I did. Of coz, Im not so pro. And anyone want to teach me?? hee.

1st- My skateboard










2nd- Alistair

This is what made for him. Coz me and one of my classmate is doing kinda picture and video clip for him. lolx.

3rd- the graffiti wall of my church.

4th- r.n. + the hands of my churchmates.

Last friday, didnt go school. Fell sick after quarreling with my parents about church etc. Juz got terrible headache, flu and cough. Sigh. I went to see a doctor and Cheryl accompanied me. Whee!!! Haha. Wah. I really like the cough syrup sia. Coz can make me go and sleep when I cant . Lolx. If not, I kept thinking alot of things in my mind. I managed to go for Sunday Service today. Haha. Which make me happy enough. Went for altar call today, my pastor want to pray for those who are in depression etc.. And raise up my hand. Wah. And this what I really needed. I kept crying and crying during altar call, and when pastor prayed I really feel something left me. And after that went into praise etc.. At first, feel so kinda difficult to praise but I was telling myself that I must praise no matter what. So when is finished, I really feel better. But inside my heart is still hollow and empty. And I asked myself that am I back to square one again? And so I went to ask my pastor on msn and she said, "No you're not. God may have cut of things in your life, but now its up to you to keep your freedom." And of coz, she explain to me more etc.. Mm.. Wow. Ok, now I get it. But I feel that is so difficult for me not to think abt it. Is like I dont want to think abt it and yet it juz keep popping out in my mind. Mm. I shall juz ignore it again and again. Muz be that dumb and idiotic satan again!!! you juz GO BACK TO HELL LA!!!!!

Today, 16 FEB 06
Went to school today. Totally feel so numb and depressed. Everyone looking at me, and wondering what's wrong with Joann today. Coz I usually go to school and I will say "hi" to the people I know.. But today, I didnt really do that. So instead of me doing the "hi" thingy but is them. Now I feel that my mind is literally shut down for temporarily, feel soooo exhausted and I kept sleeping in class the whole day today. And my classmates kept waking me up when I was sleeping and I was like trying to stay chilled because I really feel like yelling at them but I told myself that I cant treat them in that way coz they also dont know what has been happening to me and it will be so unfair to them if I do yell at them. I feel like sleeping but whenever I want to sleep then is like I will keep waking up. I also dont know why. Is like when I close my eyes, I kept thinking alot of things and these kept making me even more vexed. *Arghhhh* whatever!!!!


After school
Went to accompany my friend to Far East Plaza to cut his hair and after that I went go home immediately. When I reached home, first thing I usually do is go and bathe. So after that, I feel so vexed and instead going to the wall to punch it or talk to the wall, and guess what I did??? I went to skate and do slightly more "daring" stuffs and in the end, turning up hurting myself even more. But kinda numb to it when I kept falling and falling. Fell on my back and front. E.g.- one of them is split. But Im fine, no worries. Of coz, feel abit better after that. But still alot of things are going on in my mind.


Sigh. Now Im having terrible flu and super duper pain headache. Dont know whether tomorrow should I go to school a not. And that kind of headache is like someone is squeezing your head off with a...... Aiya. Dont know how to describe la.. *Urghhhhh*

sigh.. Im so not in the good mood right now. And today my parents started the whole issue abt church. I mean what's wrong going to church..??!! I love church so much but yet so many things have been happening to me. Im trying to be happy, trying not to bring my problems to school. Of cuz, Im not trying to be 2 people at the same time. But I juz didnt want to be literally depressed in school and Im really scare to vend all my anger in school, teachers or even my schoolmates. I really dont wanna see that come to past. Im just very very tired. And God called me to rest but I just dont know how to. Alot of times, I been alone and also of cuz talking to God. Love Him so much.. And now my parents want me to forget abt Christ in my life. Which is I cant do it and I will never do that. And I tell them abt it and they said,"We give you another chance till you're 21, if you still think that you want to believe in Christ then go ahead and never come home, and dont ever acknowledge us when you see us." And they said they dont mind losing a daughter. And I started to cry, and asked God, "Why am I having this issue again and again?" Coz I really want to take a rest first before I can fight cos I dont know how to fight when I dont have energy. I dont know how to express my emotion. I dont know what wrong with me. I feel so lousy at times, though I know I shouldnt say that. And once again, I lose my confident toward my studies. Sigh. But what I only know is I love God soooo muchhhh that I wont want to let loose of His hand. Coz Im really scare to be lost again, or even maybe I should say Im scare to fall down and wont be able to find a pair of hands to pull me up again. Once again Im so vexed and I dont want to talk to anyone for time being(as in I dont want to talk abt it by using my mouth). Please dont ask me abt my problem personally for until you think Im slightly feeling better. But most people, dont know how to tell because I might be trying to "act" to be crazy or happy in school, just that Im trying to use my own strength to forget my problems. But I think mostly I will only want to share it here. That kind of "slient feeling" and "slient expression". You get me?? Thks for those who been here for me. I know you care etc.. But let me be alone for awhile. .. Keep me in prayer, if you really care for me.

Haha. Went to skate around at 3pm plus. Trying to learn Ollie by myself today. But then kept London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. London Bridge is falling down, my fair lady. lolx. so lame sia. I kept falling from the back. Ha. I think that's the way of processing of learning skateboarding. haha. Ya. and then finally I got my very 1st scratch. Lolx. I know is kinda dumb to post on my blog la. But I really kinda treat my blog as my journal. Haha. oh ya. But anyway I can do Ollie abit liao... But sometime I will still fall again and again. All the way, Jo!! Coz I can do it!! And I still want to reach out to all the skaters. And as I was playing with it today. Then one of my neighbour saw me trying to do tricks and she said these to me, "With God's grace and His vision for you, you will one day become a pro skater." Haha. I was like coooooll.. And thank her for encouraging me and I smiled to God (and of cuz I was imaging God's face in front of me). Haha. So happy sia.. Yeah! I muz work on all the visions that God has for me.

Speech from JoJo: Woah!! Firstly I want to thank my Daddy-in-heaven, my spiritual parents, the leaders that are above me and all those r.n. members. Hehe. Dont know what to say liao.. -blushing-

So for those who dont know what's going on. My church gave me 2 big presents today because I completed the whole NLT bible for 2005. I think I started at Jan and finished at Sept, and I started reading NKJV bible. And so blah blahh... And is a total berserk for me to receive this skateboard and NJKV bible. Haha. Guess what?? Before service, I already saw the long rectangle box at the corner. And I thought you guyz are giving me a cooler fan. Wow. Quite cool arh when I read my bible with that and my hair will be blowing here and there. lol. kidding. So when I got up to stage today, while Pastor was presenting the cert to me for completing bible reading for 2005. And another hand I already saw Jassie holding a NKJV bible (which going to pass it to pastor to present it to me) and I was like sooo happy already.... Cos I wanted a NKJV bible for very longgg... But I dont have money to buy it. [And also I been reading the small NKJV bible which I borrowed it from Pastor.] And so that moment I already forgotten about the "long rectangle thingy box" at the corner. Haha. But Pastor said still got one more present to give me. And then I was like woah.. What's inside the long box thingy heh?? So I opened it up and Im like...... Woohoo.. Is a skateboard!!!! Im totally shocked and dont know what to say. Feel like crying but cant.. And so I hugged my Pastor. lolx. Is soooo coooooool arhh... And heng arh.. I almost buy a skateboard from my cousin yesterday.. And also I want to thank Bro.Sean and Daryl for choosing this skateboard for me. I love you guyz, r.n. sooo muchhhh.. So are you guyz inspired by me for completing my bible reading and all the presents I got from my lovely and awesome church??! So you better read your bible everyday single day. Complete it within a year and the next one could be YOU!! lolx. sound so like Singapore Idol. Nah.. This is even better than Singapore Idol. Oops =X. Haha.


Oh ya. To be fair, I re-read the whole NKJV version again. So hope that you guyz can catch up with me coz Im now at Luke 4. And you guyz got to read and study the bible even faster than me. Because I cant get to read my bible everyday. And why?? Coz my parents dont allow me to read my bible at home. I only can read it when they are out or when they get to bed. Yup. So seeya guyz!!

Yesterday I saw this cat. He so cute.. He walked toward me and played with shoelaces. Hee. And I played with him too..





Went to cut my hair today. Mm.. Is nice but very ex.... Aiya. I shouldnt have mess up my hair. oh man. But I quite like the messy style I did. Anyway my hair suppose to be very nice arh when the hairstylist styled it for me. Haha. But I went to mess it up. *urgh* =) But what Im happy is no more longgggg fringe that covered my left eye. (though I quite like the longgggg fringe thingy.) But oh man, that hairstylist lady cut my "tail" and now is shorter.. Sob sob. But it ok. Hee.

Haha. Woah! Last tuesday, I got an awesome dreams from God. Come and ask me arh.. Hee.. And I really want to thank God soooo muchh.. I always want to post but I forget. Hee. Mm. Is like everytime I sleep very late and at times I really scared that I will be very very tired the next morning. Aiya. Not I dont want to sleep early la, is juz that sometimes sighh... Nevermind, But you guyz know what I usually pray when I sleep very late?? Well, I tell God that, "God, make the time slow down and let me sleep now within in 15mins time and must sure that tomorrow I will feel more alert. AND I WANT A COOL AND AWESOME DREAMS FROM YOU and Amen!" So I really fall asleep very soon after my prayer and I really got my dreams and I did rest well even though I slept very late. Haha.. But at times, I really got fall asleep in my class because I cant absorb liao. Ya. Hee.. You see??! God really love us and I love Him too. Yeah!!! =) HE rulez!!!

The Last Supper (lego) 

Ya. Mm.. I think alot of people received lot and lot of angbaos right?? Hahaha. Be thankful and greatful about it. I got $240 plus this year and compare to last year I only got lesser than $140. And Im already so happy about it. But this year, all my angbaos money I kinda "loan" $200 it to my mum. Coz I think she and my dad need the money more than I do. Though I got some stuffs that I want to get but I think it over and over again and saying that I might not need it now. Ya. Im feeling happy now that I can at least help my parents abit. Sigh.. And another 40 bucks, I went to pay my church camp fee that I owe for so long... Haha. Finally!!! Whee. And now I really want to get more freed up. I want to go to church, I want to go for all the leaders' meeting, I want to stay in church till at least 7pm every sundays. I want so muchhh about my church... But now.. Sigh..

Oh man. Another day of bright sunshine, when I was suppose to be soooo happy in the morning. Getting ready to go to church and have fun. But today, while Im on my way there to church, my dad suddenly give a call and said that got last minute family gathering and wants me to go home at 2pm. And I was like what the... Oh man. And why is it always must be on sunday. I missed church sooo muchhhh... I feel like crying but I was trying to hold on to my tears. Trying to put a smile on my face, pretending to be happy but inside me is another disappointing pain. And when I reach church, again my dad called and I didnt know coz I put my phone is silent mode and after intercession I checked my phone and I see 5 missed calls and is from my dad. And he also send a message and saying that he want to confiscate my phone and cut off my line. Then so I decided to return him a call and asked him what did I do to make him do that, but just before I opened my mouth to ask he started yelling at me etc.. calling me to go home and claiming that I hang up his calls etc.. I really didnt do it la. I dont even dare loh. Sigh. And I really cant hold my tears anymore and I started to cry. I hate to cry. I was not like that. But now.. ehhh.. lolx. Weird heh? Super duper tired sia.. I want to sleep but cant.. But what I still dont understand is I been sowing my love in my parents. I been loving them, trying to understand them but in the end, I get even worse result. Izit everything I do will turn out to nothing??? And I dont want that. Im really worn out. I always tell myself to be happy whenever Im down. And at times I will feel better etc.. but after for a while I feel tired again. Why is that so?? I want to be like sanguine at times. They get over negativity so fast. And I must always rebuke till Im going nuts about it. I want joy!!!

Haha. sorry for being so bo liao. coz i nothing to do now. ya. but i really love my shoes alot la.









from the top..












back..









side..









front..

Ok. Why is my daddy disappointed today?? Coz partly was my mum. We were actually very happy today. But then my dad's van kinda broke down and he need to repair it, so that later can go out together to eat. So after he was almost done with his van. Suddenly my mum got very bad gastric. Then she was hoping that my brother can come back faster from school and so that we as a family can go out to eat together. But suddenly my brother called back home and said that he got last mintue project which tomorrow need to hand in to his teacher and also claimed that he might not be celebrating with us. And then my mum started to be kinda angry with my brother. Then she said she want to change now and then we will go without my bro coz she cant tahan any longer. After she changed her clothing etc.. She went to called my dad alot of times but he didnt pick up coz his hands was dirty because he was repairing his van mah. Then when he come back home, my mum scolded my dad and blah blah.. Then she come to me and scolded me for wasting money to buy my dad a cake. Oh man. Im so innocent la. dotx. Sigh. So after that, my mum cooked herself some food and then eat alone. And we in the end, we didnt go out and eat. So it was about 7.30pm already then my brother called back again and said that he will be back at 8.15pm. And we celebrated my dad's birthday at 9pm and my mum didnt want to join us. And she said," no need wan la.. who's cares about it." Oh man. At that moment, I really think my dad's heart break into pieces. Sob sob. And after that I went to gave him a very big hug and he thanked me for buying cake for him etc.. . Im so happy sia. But Im also hurted by mum treating my dad in that way.

Muahahaha.. Today is my dad's birthday and this year he is 50 years old. Wow.. Time flies. Mm.. And guess what?? He said in his 50 years of life, he never celebrate his birthday before. Wah. Can you believe it?? Oh man. But he's kinda happy and sad today. I will tell you more later for the next post. Now is photos time!! Haha.




I guessed he's trying to smile. But inside his heart is a bit disappointed.








Haha. "MAKE A WISH, DADDY!!"

lolx. it does look like he's praying hor? Haha. And he really take very long to make a wish. I guessed he making a lot of wishes. And hoping that one of the wishes is he want to know Christ one day. woohoo. AMEN!! =)








CUT THE CAKE!!!!