Wah.. Last night which is about 3am in the morning, I just realised that in 10 days time is CHRISTMAS. Oh man! Is on SUNDAY!!!! Arghhh.. Sigh.. I want to celebrate with my church mates. Coz what I want to see is one big group of people celebrating together, it just make me feel that we are ONE BIG FAMILY!!!! Yeah!! And it mean alot to me. =) And that's what make me feel happy too. Whenever I take singapore transports(which mrt trains and buses), and when I see all those families, they were just smiling away and having fun together etc.. It just make me smile with them too, and hoping that family can be like that too.. Of coz, sometime I do see those quarreling all over ones. And what make me want to do is just walk toward to them and talk to them etc.. But another hand, I dont have the courage to go coz I was telling myself I cant even handle my own family and now I want to help others. And what I can only do is to walk away from the scene. Sigh. (At times, I also felt so hopeless and useless for not helping my own family.) Im trying to be positive but I cant.. Please help me!! Anyone?? But even I become positive, after for awhile I go back being negative again. I hate it!!! Cos it make me form a negative pattern.. (Example: Eh.. Killing my whole family etc..) Im scare and I also dont know how to express my emotion and feelings at times. Im going nuts soon.. Somebody please help me!!! I know God is bigger than anything. God can help me and I know. [But God, please help get out of this quick. I cant tahan any longer..] Im so worn out and I want to sleep. Anyone want to give me a hand? Just hit my head with a baseball bat. Just let me knock out. Cos the negative thoughts keep going and going till I cant sleep at times. Im tired and I really wanna sleep la, stupid negative thoughts. You so sickening loh.. Go away la