Mm.. continue from yesterday. ya. sigh. today i went out with my parents again. today is the worse day, they kept quarreling in car, shopping centre, and everywhere they go. trying to stop them, but i just couldnt. sigh. that why, i hate about quarreling.. it really hurt so much when i have to be the first to witness it. honestly sometime i still do have feeling for my mum but is all hiding inside my heart(just dont know how to show it). i want to sow love in her but why is it so difficult? i did tried. ya, i remembered once it was about a year ago, i was there for her when she cried. i was the one who went to console her and hugged her. sometime im just wandering does she feel the love. at times i feel so tired trying to forgive her but im still trying. i know she is not perfect but what i want now is i want her to know that i still love her even though she hurted me so much when i was young. but whenever she scold or yell at me for nothing, i just feel like taping her mouth. coz whatever she said is like blades cutting my heart. when i was young, i always asked my brother a question and the question is if you had a chance, do you want to have another mummy which better than this mummy. and his answer is always a no.. and after that it always make me wonder why my brother's answer is a no. is like why cant he feel that this mummy is so hurting and so negative etc.. Sigh. i feel so dumb right now, if i were to ask my brother that question again. maybe inside my mum's heart she love me, and she just dont know how to show it to me especially now i have grown up. argh.. oh man. i hate it. the wounds are already cut so deeply inside my heart.



Dear God, teach me how to forgive my mum.