I come so far le.. I used to hate my family so much but no longer hate them now. Well. I really dont know why too. But I guess I really desire to see my family coming to know Christ. If I dont change, what make them think that they should change. Right? "Ren he kuang ta men bu shi Christians." But seriously I no longer holding onto the grudges that they had marked me in my memories. I dont know. I dont really remember whether do I struggled alot when I have to let go of the pains. I guess I didnt. Maybe because of my Pastor. She's the BEST EXAMPLE. She went thru, done it and showed us (churchmates n I) what is love like for a family. She's my IDOL!! I LOVE HER SIOL!

After thinking so much about the past, I realised how much I really love my family. Everyone is not perfect. I do judge ppl. See, Im imperfect too. I dont want to put so much expectation in them cos if they dont hit my expectation... Im going to be bitter again. And I have to go back to square one. Is not that I dont remember what they did in my life but I guess I chose to forget. I dont know how I did it but I just did it.

What really make me happy now is how they can appreciate me and love and that will fill up my love tank for them. I guess growing up for them was tough too but they pulled thru. I have God and what make me cant do the same thing but better and greater. I should be happier of what I have now and cherish them. I know I havent been loving them the way I should. Somehow I feel that I have my responsibility to make them feel loved but what I still cant take is... I dont really like/love to kiss them on their cheeks or smth. I no longer feel comfortable doing it. I dont know whether is it because of that silly incident that buried in my memories forever. But nothing is forever. I love them but I cant even feel it at times. I have no idea where am I. But what I really really love them deep down in my heart. I will search back my love for them.