I just cant forget the feeling of hugging you last saturday, on the 3 Jan 2009. It was the longest time since we last hugged. It seem like we always hugged tons of people but except when we come to each other face to face, we just paused there most of our time and dont know how to react.

That day, I just felt different for that moment and I literally dont feel like letting you go. We both were hugging so tight and you said this to me, "Are you back for good? Dont let go, k?" Oh my gosh. It was so.... heartrending for me to hear that, I just felt that I really let you down all these times. I really love you very much and sometime I just felt that I could die for you; the feeling is like I dont mind sacrificing for you if someone wants your life. I dont know how to put my words in sentences abt how much I love you. No one can feel how I feel like how much you can feel for me. You just simply get what I mean when I, myself dont even know how to express my feelings in words. Yea. I know I been a disappointment for a thousand times and you're the one who I always know that you never give up a single hope on me. You always have this strong hope in your heart that I will change. I know Im taking very long to make a move in my spiritual life, I really dont know what I want my spiritual life to be. I love Him but I just screwed it all up. Im just ultimately upset with the things that I blamed Him for; I cursed and sweared at Him (and that little f***er from below (f*** him!!)).

I just dont know what is wrong with me for now. Anyone who is reading this right now- Pls dont even ask me why and what's wrong cos I might feel very annoyed.

Over all, I just want to let you know that I really love you. I really do. No matter what I will become in future, I cant never lose this love that I have for you. I never lose these 5 years of love that I have been helding onto. I love you, Pastor CJ. =)