18 Jan 2009
I was forced out of bed by my dad to go Kwang Ming Shan to pay respect to my grandparents (my father's side). I sweared I never like that, not that Im unfilial is cos of what they did in my parents' life that I never respect them abt. My dad brought my bro and I there to see them. I dragged myself there and I probably got the blackest face I ever had for the year. My dad passed me the joss sticks to force me to pray, I was like.... WTH!! I didnt pray at all and when I got the joss stick, I just..... Nevermind. My dad kept demanding me to kneel down at their tombstone (is that what u called?) to talk my grandparents that Im here to see them etc.

Conversation
Dad: I want you to kneel down now to pray to them.
Me: No.
Dad: Oei! I said you better do it.
Me: What for?
Dad: They are your grandparents.
Me: So?
Dad: Pray now.
Me: *put my hands together and sing BLAH BLAH BLAH all the way...*
Dad: Oei. You dont blah blah blah.. You talk.
Me: What for? I dont want.
Dad: Then you kneel down.
Me: NO! I said NO!!
Dad: Do it now!
Me: NO!
Walked away and go home myself.

I can never respect them. Never. I never like CNY cos every year I have to drag myself to pay respect to them. I will avoid whenever I can. I hate them. Another worse thing is I still have to entertain my dad's side's family. Damn annoying. They are those no money no talk kinda people. Yea. Oh well. Over the years, they did changed alot on the money side but I still dont like them. Especially come to CNY!! It is a waste of time celebrating with them. They are celebrating for the sake of it. Angbao? WTH!! I hate it! (Dont ask me to give to you. I want to save that bunch of money up.) Nevermind abt this. Go back to my grandparents.

I never seen my dad's father cos he died during in his 40s. But that is not the main point, all I know abt him was he never took care of his family. He is damn lazy!! If he worked for 1 day, he will need to take a 3 days off from work. He was a taxi-driver. You think abt it lah, if you're a taxi driver in olden days is a blessing lah. Cos in those days, Caucasians are the one who could affort to take taxi and plus most Caucasians give tips and my grandpa should have tons of it but he never spend it on his family but himself. All he cares was himself. SELFISH! The best part is he owned a coffeeshop and he dumped it my grandma to look after. I dont understand why lah. He can really brewed the coffee very well but he is not helping my grandma to tend his coffeeshop. Plus I remembered that my dad told me that whenever he was in the good mood, he would make a trip down to brew the coffee and the queue of people buying from him, will never fail on him. So can you imagine how long is the queue? If he is smart enough, I bet he could set up a shop like Ah-Kun Kaya Toast. Why is he so lazy?

My grandma? She died when I was 9. I dont even want to talk abt her most of my times. I never like her. I think she probably can win an Oscar trophy, the best actress award. She played the role of "angel wannabe". She always the one who was at the back scene creating troubles for everyone especially my mum. She didnt like my mum. You know why? Aiya. It's a damn long story but over all is abt my mum wanting to change my dad's siblings' attitude for greeting people. My dad's siblings sucks at that, so my mum set an example to show everyone but my grandma picked a fight with her just because of that. I really think I do have a childish grandma. She's the one who caused my mum to be in depression. When I was born, my grandma always picked a fight with my mum abt some nonsenses and causes my dad wanted to divorce with my mum (cause my faggot grandma kept pestering my dad to divorce my mum) and from that onward, my mum blamed me for everything in life. She thinks that Im the root of every pain that she was going thru. She was so depressed till my aunty (my mum's side) was worried that my mum might want to hurt me and so I was sent to my aunt's place to be taken care till I was 2+ years old.

When I was 3, I went back to my original home to stay. I thought that my mum will be over and done with her depression but it didnt end there. I was always verbally and physically abused. I can never forget what my mum did in my life. Sometime till today my childhood memories are haunting me. Yes, I have forgiven my mum for what she have done in my life but the scars that she left can never be erased. But is ok. Im fine. No longer holding the grudges but I can never forgive what my grandma did to her. Because if not, there was one scene in my life that it may cause me to be paralysed or be died by now.

20 Jan 2009
Yeah. Reported to school at 8:20am cos Mr Kenny wanted me to be in school to help him to set up his class at 9am. Mr Kenny gave me instructions on setting up his class; he got me to arrange tables, chairs and the board game that he prepared for his class. After Im done with the arrangement, he got me to sit in his class and I played with his students. It was fun!! His class ended at 11:15am.

I went for lunch break with jiejie. At 2pm.... WOAH!! My first arts class!!! It was awesome!! I was trying very hard to stay awake cos I only had 2 hrs of rest the night before. Lol. Oh well. Im Christinananana's classmate for arts now. hahah. I was kinda not used to drawing but Im trying, Im trying my very best to get addicted to it. Im putting my soul and heart in arts. I want to set my foundation right. No error for that, pls, Jo. Im very happy with what I have and I will be working at CHEC on 2 Feb 2009.

After arts class, I headed down to my pub job at 6pm. Hahaha. I finally told my manager and senior manager that Im quitting. WOO!! Im saving my ass from those...... "horse come man"(hidden meaning). For whatever it is... Im over and done with it. I told my senior manager, my reason for my leaving is cos of them then he damn dulan abt it. Hahaha. He felt sad that Im leaving and he gave me a hug. He said he love my smile and I love his concern too. =) Hahaha. *faint* He is the best!! He wants me to come back often to visit him. Yeah. I will do that. My last day will be this sunday.

21 Jan 2009
I went to cut my hair!!! Finally!! 8 months of not cutting my bloody hair!! It was super duper thick!! Now I feel so light and at last my scalp could breathe. Lol. After my haircut, I head down to somerset to walk like crazy and make me think abt things in life of what I had went thru.

Work start at 6pm. I supposely to finish work at 11pm but I ended up have to extend it till 2am cos someone took mc last min and I have to cover up the shift. 30mins to closing and I just screwed up cos I was so tired till I couldnt pay attention and so I printed the wrong bill to the customer and he pay the printed bill at $74++ but his original bill was $116.40. I ended up have to cover up the rest. Sian. But Im ok. Lesson learnt; I will not repeat it again. Hahahha. Im happy again. No heartache. Cos I know what's the reason behind everything.

And I received a MMS from ZHANG XIAOLI!!! She cut her hair too!!! She cut it short. It's shoulder length. It's nice and it suited her. But I still think her long hair make her look sexy. Mmm... Maybe real life, it will look different from MMS. Ok. I cant wait to see XL now. =) And.... One last thing.... She shut down her blog. Sob. =( I love her posting abt her life. Is ok. I still have her posting in her heart.

22 Jan 2009
I didnt have to work today. I wanted to meet Ben but he isnt free cos he got tons of projects and exams to deal with. So I went to town alone and I kept walking and walking non-stop. I cant stop thinking abt my future and my plans for my eating lifestyle. I want my eating lifestyle to be damn ang moh. I want to eat pasta, pizza, salad, drink coffee (the main point is go to cafe to have a seat and relax and probably picking up my pencil to draw), eat fruits like mad (so to kick my habit from drinking carbonated drinks), Im going to exercise; planning to do tons of shuttle run. I want to train my leg muscle. Why? Hahaha. Ehhh.. So that I have a pair of legs that are in good shape to have tattoos on. Oops. =X Lalalalalala.. I enjoyed being alone thinking; I realised it makes me feel more relaxing and freely I can think and dream abt my future. Im loving it!