27 March 2009
I just came back from bishan gv. I've just watched 'Departures' at 11.50pm cos Miss Yvonne wanted to watch it. The movie was good. Well. She cried. Oops. I didnt; I just didnt feel anything abt anything. lol. The movie ended at 2.15am. Miss Yvonne and I worked till very late today. She have to teach evening class and I have to attend a family seminar till 9.45pm cos it's part of my job. The seminar was good. I just learnt tons of things even though it was for parents but it does make me ponder abt how I can change my situation with my loved ones. Actually I been trying to learn how to be gracious with my loved ones but I kept failing. I never know how much I've been hard on them. I guess I just found my answers.

For the passed 2 weeks, I been thinking abt what Miss Yvonne said to me. "Girl, can you learn how to be gracious with people? You got to have a big heart. People are not perfect. You wont be feeling like this, if you have forgiven a person." At first, I didnt understand what she was trying to say. I guess I really have been bitter all these times. In my mind, I been carrying this mindset that- 'I can forgive but not forget what people had did to me especially my loved ones.' Im always feeling upset whenever my loved ones disappoint me. I have no idea how to solve this issue but Im trying. Im broken inside out (i guess it's the same for everyone) but yet I dont want to get heal or maybe I really have no idea where to start. Im always having (unknowingly) high expectation with my parents in my life. I always bear the hope of what they said abt providing me with these and that especially coming to education.

Yes. Im not smart academically. But I do have interests in my life- Visual Communication and Stop-Animation are always in me. That is what I like and love to do. I can see myself doing it. I havent been crying or tearing for awhile. Whenever come to 'talks' like disappointment abt my parents, I tear. I felt so cheated all these times. My dad said he will provide my education till he cant work anymore then he will get me to save up my own money to study but now he dont want to provide me for my education. My mum on the other side, kept saying that I wasted their money studying at CHEC. Yes. CHEC school fee is an amount, but I learnt alot of things that I cant learn elsewhere. I saw the part time course that NAFA is providing and is a 6 months course that cost abt $1300. I asked my parents for it and wellsss... Answer is, "Nope. Go and save up your own money." I felt clueless. I felt lonely doing all these. Im pek chek. Is money everything? What can money do? Buy happiness? Buy hope? Well. It does make me feel this way now. No money = no education = no future = no love = no happiness. Be a begger then.

Maybe my parents have their difficulties. This is where I grew up. I really holding onto the grudges that my parents did. It's really affecting me now; Towards my friends. Im beginning to whine alot verbally and in my heart too. Im letting go of my disappointment, so that I wont think so much. Im not emotional. Im figuring things out in my mind. It's just another season in life that everyone trying to figure and settle down with. Im happy in life; Never felt that life sucks. Yes, it's tiring. Well. This is just part of life. =) I hope that I will get rich soon- I will and gonna be filthy rich, outrageously wealthy; very rich. I want the world to be envying me of where I grew up and came from. I want to have a story to tell to the world.

Im changing; It's a definitely thing that I cant change overnight. I will definitely change for the better. It's all about having character at the end of the day. Im not perfect, so I better dont expect people around me to be perfect too. Cheers!